After the End
by Regelrytteren
Summary: He sees her and always has. Maybe that will be enough. Shepard/Joker, Shepard/Vega
1. The End

A/N: Had a whole long Author's note ready, then accidentally deleted it. Nice going. Anyway due to reasons of complete suckiness, I have rewritten the chapter and tried using 2. person perspective instead. Trial and error!

Yes, the story has Joker/Shepard as its endgame, but it's not smooth sailing, people. As the summary warns, there are moments of Vega/Shepard, because in my head, he is a really cool guy (Man! I used to watch 'She's all that' over and over as a teen), and people don't always take the easiest road. Shepard, in this story, is sort of broken, which means she often gets her feelings tangled. You be forewarned, yes? Read and review people, if nothing else then just to gush about the awesome multiplayer and the fact that the game is JUST AROUND THE CORNER. (Yelling is necessary.)

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><p><strong>After the End<strong>

_Chapter 1. The End_

You have never really been one for parties. Even before you became the savior of the galaxy (again), and thus the natural center of attention at these things, you preferred keeping to yourself and slipping out quietly. It has become a lot harder these days, but Kasumi has taught you how to use a tactical cloak, and after the compulsory introductions to the most influential politicians in Council controlled space, you discreetly manage to slip into the shadows from which you can quietly observe the people in the grand ballroom. Mostly you search the crowd for familiar faces - Liara dancing with a female Alliance soldier; Kaidan talking with a couple of stuffy admirals and looking distinctly uncomfortable with amount of attention, but trying desperately to hide it. You smirk and consider pulling a rescue, but it seems impossible without giving away your own position, so you stay your ground.

It seems so silly, all the people in their finest clothing all to spend the evening with people they hardly knew, and mostly did not like. The world has nearly ended, all life destroyed and this is what they choose to do with their time after being rescued? Briefly you consider that this really is something they do in your honor, but frankly you doubt it and they would have spared themselves a lot of trouble had they bothered asking you. You hate big parties, you hate wearing a dress and you most certainly hate the heels (they squish your feet and make you walk like Bambi on ice).

Tali stands in the opposite corner, in deep conversation with some of the few Quarians invited, it is hard to tell under the mask, but you think she looks happy and certainly the excited gestures of her arms indicate as much. You see Kal'Reegar barely escape another wave of the arm, which seems to be illustrating some of the finer points of the final battle, and silently laugh to yourself at her enthusiasm and his silent, but steady admiration.

You see the Asari Counselor approaches you, the last living member of the Council, and frankly right now your spirits are too high for this. You quickly gulp the last of your drink, set your glass on a nearby table and slip out the backdoor eager to get away from uncomfortable conversations. You take the time to enjoy the sight of Luna on the sky amongst billion of stars, which is a sight more comforting than you might have imagined. It isn't your first visit on earth, but you grew up in the colonies and any visit has been brief and infrequent. Still it feels familiar and comforting, second only to being on the Normandy amongst your crew. The Colonies have long since stopped feeling like home, the memories of fire, smoke and the sound of screaming from her mother too attached.

You thought you would be alone out here, but the sound of voices and laughing draws you in, the sound of them sounding familiar. On the staircase leading up to the main building, you see Wrex, Ken Donnelly, James Vega and Joker playing Skyllian Five Poker and sipping locally bought cheap beer.

Ken is clearly in the middle of a most obscene story, because Joker's beer seems to come out in equal amounts through the mouth and through his nose, while Vega is chortling so loudly he can barely sit straight. Wrex just smirks and pads Ken on the back, which seems almost patronizing (Wrex knows the filthiest stories), but clearly a much better party than the one you just left.

You join them on the staircase, seating yourself so you can join the game throwing 500 credits into the mix buying yourself an in. Ken loudly declares that no one should be fooled by her sweet face, having learned the hard way that Shepard plays poker well indeed. Joker just smirks and says that Ken is a fool for having bought the lie, while James looks and you and promises not to be fooled in the slightest. You look away, trying not to encourage his affections which have become more and more obvious in the past few weeks, and instead deal the cards. In between rounds of cards, you open your omnitool to summon the rest of the crew. As your stair-party grows larger and more rambunctious, you allow yourself to really relax for the first time in years. Even the scolding you receive from Admiral Anderson on proper decorum does not deter you from the feeling of contentment.

Tomorrow it will all be over, you know, but tonight you allow yourself to enjoy their company before having to watch them leave for their respective lives. You wish you knew what it meant for you.


	2. Life Unlived

_Chapter 2. Life Unlived_

You spend the next couple of days in and out of the travel hub, making sure that your team finds the proper shuttle and saying your final goodbyes. Tali and Kal'Reegar are taking the shuttle back to the migrant fleet, just friendly company she says but you swear she blushes under the helmet, hoping to make life on the Migrant fleet better. As you understand she is set to take over her late father's Admiral posting, which is exciting for Tali, though you worry. You have never really met a politician you liked, but maybe this will be the exception. You both promise to keep in touch regularly. Liara is boarding the shuttle towards the Citadel in the company of James, from where James will attempt to find lodging until his next tour while Liara will continue her trip to return to the life of the Shadow Broker. Both James' and Liara's hugs are a little too long to be really comfortable, but the intimacy is warming and today you find yourself not minding.

Wrex slaps your back (it hurts!) and goes to the hub alone, not needing neither direction nor the sentimentals of goodbyes. You rather doubt that he is going to write you, but somehow you know that with Wrex no time or distance will be of matter when you see each other again. It has always been surprisingly easy with the two of you.

You walk Major Alenko to the Normandy SR-2, of which he is now the commanding officer. He feels weird about it, and you wish you could put him at ease that you could let him know that it was your suggestion, but you are too drained these days to find the words. The hug goodbye is brief and you leave before the Normandy does.

You spend the rest of your day with a bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy in the company of Dr. Chakwas while dodging the well-meaning concerns with vague platitudes. You have become too good at this over the years; saying what people want to hear, when they ask questions too intimate to be answered truthfully. Maybe you would feel better if you could just stop lying, but somehow the lies are both easier and more humane so you continue with banalities.

The next day you say goodbye to Garrus in the lobby of the hotel. You are not sure if he knows where he is going, but you hope that he leaves Archangel behind, not sure that you will ever really be able to save anyone again.

Last of the crew to leave are Joker and Dr. Chakwas, who have both been offered a post on the Destiny Ascension by the new Council. You have already said goodbye to Dr. Chakwas in your brandy-buzz, so you are left alone with Joker, both standing in the sun outside the hotel, looking at each other. You wish that you could be going with him as well, but you has already declared that part of your life over and by reason of pride there can be no take-backs. The clench of your stomach, makes you look to the ground and he reached out and squeezes your hand briefly before letting go. You smile a weak smile and somehow that is all the goodbye you can muster, before their taxicab is there and they leave you standing alone at the curb. For the first time in years you are really alone with no sense of direction.

You spend the next couple of months helping with the restoration projects, travelling round Europe at requests of community leaders. Your biotics come in handy, when trying to move debris, but you quickly tire these days being used to a greater intake of food than your current situation allows. You have gotten a few messages from some of the crew, but mostly it has just been messages from Tali, who has written you every day. Sometimes you find the time to answer, but mostly you just read and re-read the messages received. The messages comfort you, when having to bury yet another body or arrange lodgings for yet another orphaned child of which there are far more then there are lodgings. You wish the bodies could be buried as they rightfully deserve, with their names on a gravestone handpicked by those who loved them, but there are too many dead and you don't even know their names. So they are buried in hordes with strangers all around, some still which a look of horror on their faces while other bodies are badly decomposed and no longer show any recognizable faces.

It is four months before you tire of Earth and of the horrors you meet here. You have grown accustomed to being able to shoot things that bother you, of being able to have an actual enemy and a goal. Today you have no enemy left, just grief and despair, both hard to scope out with your sniper rifle. You begin to long for other places, missing the Normandy something awful, your wandering spirit too restless to stay in one place.

It is another month before you board a shuttle away from Earth and another after that before your travels come to a halt on the Citadel, where you catch up with Admiral Anderson, desperate to talk to any from the life you have lost but too proud to ask for company. It is nice to see him again, but his schedule is obviously busy so you retreat after only an hour to the apartment in Zakera Ward which you have rented for the next couple of months from a Salarian couple, who has returned to the Salarian homeworld to spend time with family.

It is no more than a week before you consider ditching the apartment and taking a shuttle anywhere, the normalcy of life and the loneliness you feel, making it difficult to stay still in one place. All your bags are packed ready for take-off at a moment's notice, having not even bothered to unpack your clothing when settling in to the apartment.

On your way to another brief meeting with Anderson, you bump into James. Although you knew he had gone to the Citadel, you had figured him for long gone off on a new assignment. He seems equally surprised to see you, but just as pleased and after your meeting with Anderson, you join him for dinner at his apartment over in Bachjret Ward. It is not a very large apartment, but certainly he has made a larger effort than yourself to personalize everything. On the wall are posters from his favorite baseball teams, and old medals from youth championships in soccer. You smirk at them, causing the tips of his ears to go pink, but he doesn't bother explaining them (not that he actually needs to). He orders take-out ramen for you and you spend the evening watching a game between two turian teams on his holoscreen.

The next day he bumps into you in Zakera Ward, and you allow yourself to get roped into a joint session at the gym. It has been a while since you had a good sparring session and for a minute it feels like the Normandy again, but the rewarding of points are a lot more complicated without an AI to be the unbiased judge. They grab lunch on their way back, and the following weeks the cycle repeats with the two of you spending more and more time together. You forget how lonely you are, when he is around, so you welcome his increasing suggestions of time together, with more movies, more gymtime, more dinners. It is only when you are home alone in your sparsely decorated apartment, with your still filled backpack next to the bed and your handgun on the sidetable that you feel… off again.

James really is not your type. You have always known this, ever since he sent his first admiring glance towards you after a sparring session on the Normandy. Back then you did what you could to keep his feelings at appropriate distance, but you are not so sure of yourself anymore. He is certainy good company; he makes you laugh (although he tries too hard), he is easy on the eyes (though a bit too muscular for your tastes) and he cares (more than you care for him, perhaps). It is increasingly harder to keep him at distance but still have his company, which you cannot do without anymore the memory of the lonely months on Earth still fresh in your mind.

When James finally gathers the courage to kiss you, one night as you watch Blasto on the holoscreen, you briefly consider rejecting him and leaving the Citadel (the bag is already packed), but instead you let him kiss you. When he tells you his feelings, you kiss him and smile.


End file.
